Take it on Faith

Rodger and my wedding song was Keanne's "Somewhere Only We Know". It has been our song since we started dating. I remember we first listened to it together a month or so into our relationship. We were driving and it was raining and I told him that song always made me think of him. It was the first song we danced to at our wedding. It will always be "our song".

I bought Natalie Maines' new CD and over the weekend listened to it and the last song on the album just took my breath away. It's called "Take it on Faith". I just felt so connected to it because it made me think of Rodger and my young marriage. I would venture to guess that it makes many people think of their marriages. These are the lyrics.

There is only one road in and out of my heart

I don’t know where it ends or where it starts but the night is young, younger than we

So let’s burn right and wrong

I’ll forgive you and you’ll forgive me

Take it on faith that I’ll be there when the pain comes and I’ll take it on faith that you will try, try not to run when the it’s hard, so hard.

I can be on fire, yeah I can hold my own but inside I’m just a girl who’s scared to be alone

Today was hard  but tomorrow’s new and if you’re there for me I’ll be there for you

Yes I will see you through

And I’m taking on faith that I’ll be there when the pain comes and I’ll take it on faith that you will try try not to run when it’s hard, so hard

I’ll take it on faith that you’ll be there when the pain comes

Oh, take it on faith that you will try try not to run

Oh take it on faith

It's just that even though Rodger and I have been together for quite some time, marriage is still so new to us. You go into it so wildly unprepared, as with so much in life, and you hope for the best and you try and do your best. And sometimes your expectations are unfair. And sometimes your communication isn't clicking. But you love each other. And you keep trying. And more than anything you have to realize that you love that person for who they are as they love you for who you are. And neither of those people are perfect.

And we never take for granted how lucky we are to have each other. And we keep working on doing better. 

This is a video of Natalie Maines singing this song with Ben Harper. On the album it's just her. It's a great album.

Mother's Day Letters

To my sweet girlfriends who are mothers- it’s been so fun watching you be Moms and love your little ones. It’s been fun to be their “aunt”. I love when you tell your kids to “give Aunt Katie a hug”. It makes my heart smile and it’s an honor. Watching you be parents has made me excited to be a parent myself. And I am already grateful for all of the advice I am sure to ask for when I become a Mom someday.

To my aunts whom I love deeply, who gave me cousins and life-long friends, thank you for always loving me and for your endless support. You are my friends- your love is inspiring.

To my Grandmothers, who I lost last year, making this my first Mother’s Day without you as with other holidays since your passing I find myself upset about things that don’t normally upset me and then I come to the realization that it is the loss of you two that I am upset about. I think about you every day. I think a lot about memory and regret. I read a great comment on a blog about something that a woman’s grandmother had said to her in regards to her things and her life. It went something like this- “Keep the good stuff, throw out the junk”. It’s helped me. I miss you both. It’s harder than I thought it would be but holding on to “the good stuff” is helping.

To my sister, a new mother it has been nothing short of amazing to watch you become a mother. I love watching how surprised you are by how much you love your child. I love that you have not lost who you are in motherhood and know that Olivia will benefit greatly from this because your character will guide her through so much, just as it has me. I love when you say that she is the best thing you have ever done. And you are doing it well. I love you.

And to my Mother- Happy Mother’s Day to you. Vickie and I are beyond lucky and blessed to have you. There are so many things that I admire about you, not the least of which are your selflessness, your character, your sense of humor, and your strength. I am lucky that I truly enjoy spending time with you. I am lucky that you are so giving of your time. I can’t wait to have children because it has been so great watching you with Olivia. Your grandchildren are and will be so blessed to call you Grandma just as I am to call you Mom. I love you!

Girls Trip to Solvang

 The weekend of April 27th I took a girls trip to Solvang with my Mom, Vickie, and my Aunt Peggy. Solvang is one of my favorite places. It is so quaint and there is just enough to do to fill the time but not too much so that you feel like you have to be doing something every seconded. It was a good trip- we ate, talked, laughed, shopped, relaxed, and even found sometime for a little crafting.

We stayed at Wine Vally Inn and Cottages in cute little lofts. We were lucky to have beautiful weather.

  It was a really special weekend with those ladies that I love so much.

-

Nostalgia

I have been thinking a lot lately about how nostalgic I am, about how it's hard for me to live in the present. This isn't new, I have always been this way. I have always been slow to deal with change. It's just difficult for me. Maybe it is for everyone.

Over the weekend I was talking to my Mom, Vickie, and my Aunt about it and I started to contemplate why it's hard for me to live in the moment. They made some great points and gave me a lot to think about. A lot of it is just letting go. Letting go of the way things were, yes they were great and they are memories that I will always have but I certainly don't want to miss out on great moments that I am having now. I don't mean to portray that I am in a constant state of reflecting on the past, it's not like that. It's just that I often think about the past. 

 I have gotten a handle of not always looking forward to the future and enjoying what I have now. I really have improved in that area and feel that I really do just take things as they come. 

 

Maybe it's so hard to let go of because then I have to accept that things are different. It hasn't been easy that in the span of a year and a half my parents separated and both of my grandmothers passed away. Even though things weren't perfect in the past my parents were still together and my grandmothers were still alive. And that's how I know that a lot of my nostalgia is that I don't like those changes. I have accepted them but I don't like them. I think looking to the past may be a crutch for me. A crutch that I don't use all of the time but maybe when things get harder to accept again I lean on it and then I am stuck in a spiral of memories that make me comfortable.

Yet through all this I know that I have a beautiful life and though that year and a half time span had rough spots some amazing things also happened- Rodger and I got married, my beautiful niece was born, my family grew closer, we bought a house, and life is happy.

I know this is something I have to work on. To that end I was so proud of myself to start cleaning our garage and get rid of things that I was hanging on to for reasons of just memories. And I am going to make my best effort to live in the present. My memories will always be there but I want to reflect on them for pleasure not as a crutch.

I have always known that the past, present, and future are all very good things. All to be enjoyed as they are and not as coping mechanisms.

I can do it!

A lovely afternoon in San Diego

Yesterday some of the family drove down to meet up with Matt in San Diego. He and his boyfriend, David, were there for a wedding. It was so nice to see Matt and to meet David.

And on top of that it was a beautiful day!! It really could not have been any nicer out. And the cherry on top of all that was that I got to ride next to Olivia on the way down. We had grand time playing together. I have the cutest niece.

 

 

 

 

 

It was a beautiful day!

An Overnighter in Vegas

A could of weekends ago Rodger and I took a Friday off and went for a quick trip to Vegas. We stayed at the MGM. We hadn't stayed there before. It was nice, but our room was about a mile away from the elevator and was a bit on the small side. Not sure if it was worth the money but I guess we had to stay somewhere.

The main reason for the trip was to visit my Grandpa and Chrissie. I hadn't seen them in over two years so I was long overdue for a visit. And I mean who doesn't like going to Vegas? 

Friday night we went to dinner at Ruth's Chris (at the Harrah's) because we had a gift card from credit card points. We loved it! The view was overlooking the strip and the food was amazing. Before dinner we stopped at an Oyster Bar. Rodger wanted to even though we were going to have a huge meal. But he enjoyed it and I had a drink so what can be wrong with that?

 

This is the view from Ruth's Chris

After dinner we walked back to the MGM down the strip and I took this blurry picture which I love. The strip at night cannot be explained, it just really has to be experienced.

 

One of my favorite things to see in Vegas is the Belagio "Conservatory". Every season they change the floral scheme. I was really glad we went this time as it was so pretty for spring.

Saturday for lunch we headed out to my Grandpa's house and went to lunch. It was so great to visit with them. I just love chatting and catching up with them. My Grandpa always has funny stories to tell about his substitute teaching. I am glad we took the time to go out there and visit.

We drove home after that. It was a quick trip but fun. Also, thanks so much to my Mom for watching Sushi and Kona. We wouldn't have been able to go otherwise.

Another Day in the Neigborhood

We have been loving all of this nice weather and being in our backyard. Having Kona forces us to spend more time out there and it has been great. I have never had a backyard before so I am loving this new experience. The people that lived here before us did such a great job with the landscaping. For the past month we keep finding all of these new flowers that have bloomed. There are tulips that came up by the front door and we have calla lillies in the backyard.

It is a real kick to watch Kona and Sushi play in the backyard. It really is a game of cat and mouse. 

Usually when we get home from work we spend a couple of hours in the backyard and going for a walk with Kona. I can't say enough how much we love living here. We have the nicest neighbors and beautiful views to look at.

 

 This was tonight's sunset. So beautiful!

 

We feel so lucky that the timing worked out and we were able to buy this house. It has worked out so perfectly and really feels like it was meant for us.